Comical Calebisms 2014

IMG_2165Caleb: (Hits Sean)
Sean: “Ow! What are you doing?”
Caleb: “Hitting you. It’ll heal.”

Caleb: “I thought I heard a snake in the closet, and I was really scared and I prayed to Jeeeesus. I prayed to Jesus really REALLY LOUD!”

After getting cut off at the airport –
Caleb: “Mama, please don’t crash. I don’t want to crash.”


To make the next quote even better, I will provide no context for it –
Caleb: “Can I have some coffee too with my crack?”

Caleb: (Pointing to my shirt) “Mama, what is that??”
Me: “They’re beads.”
Caleb: “Ohhhh. They’re cuuu-te!”

Negotiations at the park –
Me: “Caleb, 5 more minutes and then we have to go.”
Caleb: “20 minutes.”
Me: “No, just 5 more minutes.”
Caleb: “2 minutes.”
Me: “Ok sure, you win.”

Sean: “Caleb, don’t rock back in your chair. You might fall backwards and crack your head open, and your brains will come out.”
Caleb: “Oh no! I would crack my head open and I would get lots and lots of germs in it!”

Caleb: “Can I watch a show?”
Sean: “Well, I looked at the clock and it said it’s too late, so we can’t watch a show.”
Caleb: (Turning to the clock) “Clock, can I please watch a show?”

Caleb: “Mama, you’re a beast.”

Me: “Caleb, do you remember what sin means?”
Caleb: “Yes.”
Me: “What does it mean?”
Caleb: “Doing bad things. But I don’t want to do bad things! Only mama and pop pop do bad things.”

Me: “Caleb, did you take a nap today?”
Caleb: “Yes.”
Me: “Caleb, why are you lying to me?”
Caleb: “Lion?? Raaawr!!”

Caleb: “When I get bigger and bigger and I’m a Dada, I will work at the lab with Dada and pop pop. It will be so so SO good!”

Sean: “Ok Caleb, 10 more minutes then bath time.”
Caleb: “But why?”
Sean: “Evie got yogurt in her hair so we have to wash it.”
Caleb: “But why?”
Sean: “If we don’t, it could grow bacteria and make her sick.”
Caleb: “But why?”
Sean: “Because if it gets inside her, it can multiply rapidly.”
Caleb: “But why?”
Sean: “The biological conditions are ideal.”
Caleb: “But why?”
Sean: “Because of the temperature of our body, and the availability of moisture.”
Caleb: “Oh…yeah, we have to protect our bodies.”

Sean: “I’m sorry Caleb, you have to go to time out.”
Caleb: (Crying half-heartedly)
Sean: “I’m sorry buddy…you weren’t listening.”
Caleb: “But look at this saaad face!”

Caleb: “Today we played mommies.”
Me: “Oh yeah? How do you play mommies?”
Caleb: “You get buried and then make a baby.”
Me: “Married??”
Caleb: “No…buried.”
Me: “Huh. How do you make a baby?”
Caleb: “You put tan bark under your shirt.”
Me: “And then what?”
Caleb: (Imitating barfing sounds)
Me: “…Cool.”

Grammie: “Can someone please say grace?”
Caleb: “Grace!!”

Me: “Caleb, who’s in charge at church?” (child care)
Caleb: “Nico. He’s 6. He knows everything.”
Me: “Really? What about your teachers?”
Caleb: “No. Nico is in charge.”
Me: “Who’s second in charge?”
Caleb: “Me.”

Mickey: “Caleb, what do you want to be when you grow up?”
Caleb: “A vacuum cleaner.”

Sean: “Caleb! Why did you drink out of mama’s water?? She’s feeling sick!!”
Caleb: “I’m sick too…I have crabs.”

Caleb: “I want to marry a girl…and a boy.”
Me: “You’ll probably just marry a girl.”
Caleb: “No, I want to marry a girl and a grandpa.”

Conversation with Caleb at bedtime –
Caleb: “Stay and lay with me!”
Me: “I can’t, I have to get some work done.”
Caleb: “Noooo, stay and lay with me!”
Me: “I would love to, but I really have to get some work done.”
Caleb: “Noooo…lay with me!”
Me: “Caleb, I have to go order some presents on Amazon for you and Evie for Christmas, otherwise, there won’t be any gifts.”
Caleb: (without skipping a beat) “You should go RIGHT now!!”

Comical Calebisms: October-December 2013

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Melissa Felker

I blog to share my life, entertain, inspire, inform, encourage, challenge (both myself and others), and of course, for personal therapy - haha! I love to write about meaningful experiences and a wide range of topics I find interesting. I particularly enjoy sharing life in a raw and barely censored fashion because I highly value authenticity.

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